Thursday, April 15, 2010

you never left home without your face


day 4 of this cleanse is at its close. i am thankful for that. it will be nice to start eating again. i am so thankful i found the will and strength and determination to do it.

i'm still sad.
amidst my lovely confusion.
oh, the days are so brilliant. indeed.
but i,
i am not the one that triumphs so, not the one that gallantly strides through dreams
and feeds on the eyes of little children.
no, not i.
i fear i am losing myself again.
i feel like i am floating away. floating, drifting, swimming through a river of stars.
oh, how dreadfully lovely.
river of stars.

i think i must be a bit light-headed.
but oh, how i do love the taste of the dramatic!
and oh, isn't life grand.
grandly miserable in its own right.
for i am most displeased with the direction in which the pieces of mine heart doth fall. oh, indeed, for it does not suit me at all.

and i seeketh he who would not have me. no, he would not.
unless some change doth occur. change indeed.
a trick. a trap.
and then shall he be back.
but until then,
my heart weeps for
it is not with me.

treacherous indeed, this heart.

in case i'm not making any sense to you,
i'm pretty much still stuck on "him."

still thinking, pondering, meandering, wandering, wondering...
about him.

plus i still keep thinking maybe i should give men a rest and find me a good woman.
you know?
but i get so shy around them i stumble over my words and can't think of what i might say to end up with a female for once.
oh, woe is me for that.
oh, oh.

i am doing well otherwise.
final preparations for school are being made.
all the financial stuff has to be worked out some more.
looking into another way for me to get some more aid.

i pray you all are well enough also.

all my love,

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