crying out in the darkness

i swear i almost cried at the end of the church service this evening. i happened to be so focused on it, and as the lights went out one by one, i felt that sorrow of death creeping in. finally all the lights were out to represent Jesus' death, and we sat there in darkness, and i felt like i might cry, thinking about it.

at the earlier service i took part in carrying a big wooden cross around. the weight made me think of the burden Jesus had to bear.

i must say i'm really curious about the bible because it's one of those things where i try to separate truth from fiction. where i find myself unable to believe everything. well, for one thing, i automatically think of evolution.
but i don't want to get into all that.
i'm not into debating religion, even with myself. i just don't see the point.


in other news, ha, i put myself into a sort of trance today.
trance-meditation-chakra energization-thing.
i was working on bring energy to my chakras and purifying them, so to speak. i find i am quite good at this at certain times and it is well worth the effort.
you all can think i'm a messed up, maybe, for what i see, but i'll mention bits of my experience here.
i visted this place i only know as the golden temple. there we are all disciples of nameless beings. i cannot say for sure if they are gods, spirits, what. but they are the teachers of the temple. they wear white and i am never able to look at their faces.
today, however, i made a discovery. the back wall in this temple is like a mirror, made of a fluid, silvery substance. one is able to pass through the mirror to the void of memories and truth.
there i danced, in a trance even within the boundaries of my own mind. i could see my reflection in the mirror, but it wasn't me as i am in this life.

in these times i feel like i'm reaching very deep into myself, tapping into rarely used resources. it is an interesting feeling. i always come out feeling very relaxed and my energy is always free-flowing but well-controlled.

it's like visiting my happy place, so to speak.
but the golden temple is special to me. it is a most sacred place of learning.
and safety and peace.

i am thankful for written letters. i just think writing letters to people and getting letters back is a cool thing. and highly underrated.
i am also think for my discipline in being able to focus and relax enough to meditate like i can. it's something that really helps me.

i'd love to here about any metaphysical or spiritual experiences anyone would like to share with me. if anyone is willing.

all my love,
Heather