Saturday, April 10, 2010

still screaming

daffodil 001
Originally uploaded by RainwingSilver
just a pic showing my my painting in progress.
it happens to finished now.

i'm still screaming inside.
for escape.
to fly away.
the birds and bees agree,
i'm far too late.

in this world sorrow reigns.
like the storm of each day.
and i'm suffering.
striving, crying out
for you.

so now instead of biting my nails i just pick at them. they keep getting jagged though and it bugs me.

i have nothing much to say. that little poem there i just came up with on the spot. just trying to describe a feeling.

my puppy makes me sneeze. seriously. when i decide to hold him and all that i get the sniffles.
i keep wondering if i'm secreatly allergic to dogs because i used to sneeze a lot every time i came home from college to visit. and it was only in the house around the dog.
so maybe. i don't know.
it's weird.

i'm thankful for my father, for when he actually manages to help instead of just annoying me. of course i'm grateful simply for having somewhere to stay in the first place.
i'm also thankful for being able to deal better with my emotions, the ones that are extreme.
yesterday could've gone really bad if i hadn't done my best to calm down.

i like getting emotions out in painting. i like being colorful.
i like you. <3

and honestly, i think about him less now. worry less now about whether he'll accept me or not. just don't know what i'll do, but i can always think of something.

all my love,


  1. I'm glad you're finding a way to release your burdens through art. I know times can be tough, but I'm glad you're still hanging in there.

    I'm allergic to cats mostly; it really sucks to be allergic to animals. I had eczema, so whenever I was around cats or dogs, I'd be scratching like crazy. Yuck. But it doesn't keep me from wanting to be around them and give them lots of love and cuddles anyways. Haha.

    Its been a while since I've actually signed into the blog... Been so busy.

    Next time you have a breakdown like that, don't be afraid to call, k?
    - Celenia

  2. okay. i usually don't feel like calling people when i'm manic, but if i do i'll call you.