Tuesday, April 20, 2010

dying to know you

life just loves to rip my heart out over and over disappoint me

you think i'd have learned better by now than to ever get my hopes up about anything i really want to happen. but i never learn. such is my way, my nature, as it were.
i can't help it.
i want that chance so much and it just doesn't want to happen. maybe i should've expected him to find an excuse all along. i don't know.
i'm wasting my time, most likely.
but i can't help that either.
i can try to fight this longing but it just won't go away for now.
probably not until i find someone better. or just someone, in general.
how the heck does one happen to meet new people?
seriously, i'm at a loss here.
in a way, he gives me something to believe in.
hey, i kn ow that;s totally pathetic. no need to remind me.

i fail at this whole thing, in some respects.
but i'm just who i am and nothing is really going to change.
i learn many things but i stay the same as far as the basics go.
i wonder if i'll ever be rally happy like that again.
it's hard to have any idea at this point.

i'll keep going.
i'll have to wait and see.
i wonder what will happen.

i am thankful for..hmm...my family. they are cool. well, some of them in particular. others, well, i find things i like about them, too.
i am thankful for being able to express myself.
it's helpful, supposedly, maybe, quite possibly? so yeah.

all my love,

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