you think i'd have learned better by now than to ever get my hopes up about anything i really want to happen. but i never learn. such is my way, my nature, as it were.
i can't help it.
i want that chance so much and it just doesn't want to happen. maybe i should've expected him to find an excuse all along. i don't know.
i'm wasting my time, most likely.
but i can't help that either.
i can try to fight this longing but it just won't go away for now.
probably not until i find someone better. or just someone, in general.
how the heck does one happen to meet new people?
seriously, i'm at a loss here.
in a way, he gives me something to believe in.
hey, i kn ow that;s totally pathetic. no need to remind me.
i fail at this whole thing, in some respects.
but i'm just who i am and nothing is really going to change.
i learn many things but i stay the same as far as the basics go.
i wonder if i'll ever be rally happy like that again.
it's hard to have any idea at this point.
i'll keep going.
i'll have to wait and see.
i wonder what will happen.
i am thankful for..hmm...my family. they are cool. well, some of them in particular. others, well, i find things i like about them, too.
i am thankful for being able to express myself.
it's helpful, supposedly, maybe, quite possibly? so yeah.
all my love,
Heather
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