on a bed of moonbeams and melancholy

he is everywhere.
my dreams, my thoughts, my heart...
and to be honest sometimes he scares me still.
the things he says to me.
even though he sends me messages, i can almost hear the bitter resentment in his voice.
i half want him back, and half am too afraid to go near him.
i'm one third crazy about him, one third just not into him anymore, and one third confused.
ah...fractions.

seriously though....
make it stop.
or fix it.
oh great divine mystical heavenly prophetic magical wonderful amazing..
whatchamacallit.
please.


anyhow, so today is day 1 of the cleanse. woo.
i am thankfully not suffering as of yet.
each time i gotreally hungry, i just drank some of my apple juice.
and no more hunger.
i am surprised that worked, but whatever.
and i'm drinking water out of a gallon jug.
but it tastes weird because it's distilled. ew.
and the saltwater flush made me want to vomit. it was so gross.
but other than that, it's been good.

i am not looking forward to the olive oil i have to drink on wednesday.
olive oil makes me gag usually. so i don't know how that'll work. but i has to somehow.

and once i'm done with the cleanse, i'll start dieting for sure. for real this time, for real. and try to get through the first two weeks without cheating at all.

anyway,
i am thankful for a certain friend of mine. he has given me many good memories. which far outweigh the bad ones i also got from him. at least, that's how i feel when i think back. this is the same friend who i mentioned above.
i am also thankful for me. in general. yay me! ahaha.
i figure i should be thankful for myself sometimes.

all my love,
Heather