Wednesday, April 7, 2010

can't seem to climb up for air

i had blue dreams today.

in a feverish state i drifted in and out of dreams this afternoon. this blue haze seemed to invade them and i felt like i was underwater. and i was in a church at one point. white church. it was rather flowy for a dream. i'm not used to that.

lately, i've been having nightmares. they wake me up over and over at night.
i'm afraid for i keep hearing noises outside my door.
my therapist tells me i just need to rationalize it. but even though i do, something keeps me frightened.

and it seems i'm still hurt by some things that have happened. i won't say what, but that certain things couldn't be understood and i felt abandoned at some point.

i am thankful for the warmth of today. it helped me sleep. even though supposedly cold is better for sleeping.
and i'm thankful for being able to push myself to accomplish things when i'm unmotivated.

it gets me through. i don't want to drown.

all my love,

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