Thursday, March 18, 2010

when you're living in a hallway that keeps growing

today is a sick day. maybe.
i do not feel well at all. breakfast made me sick.
plus my back is only worse. go figure. bending over is pretty much the most troublesome thing at the moment.

but i'm dancing. and singing. and trying to enjoy my time, regardless of any pain or illness.

and oh! spring is almost here! and it certainly looks like spring today. the flowers are started to spring up from the soil, and the sun is shining, and the air is fresh and cool. i really love it. i finally don't have to be cold anymore. which is nice.

well actually, it's still quite cold inside this house. for whatever reason.
i'll probably push myself to walk today because i didn't manage yesterday.
keep working them muscles, oh yeah!

still got something wrong emotionally.i don't know. build up of nerves.
maybe it's left over from the anxiety attack the other day. just maybe.
i'm not letting it get to me, though.

i wonder what has changed? i think something must of put me in a good mood.
maybe it's all of this sunshine. and fresh air.
and i'm noticing the things to look forward to more.
ever since that mediation i've been in a better mood.
weird. but i like it.

i went to a meditation group that time with my father. and i feel a little awkward being in that group because besides me, my father, and his girlfriend, it's a bunch of old ladies. and some of the things i don't quite agree with.
kind of like me and church.

there are certain things i really like about church, and certain things i completely disagree with. but it all somehow balances out to bring joy in my life.
it's nice having other people around, and making friends, even if they're all so much older than me.
i do love getting to sing up on stage with the microphone. and being in choir. and getting to dance a little.
and i really am quite good at finding that spiritual connection during services and letting it flow freely throughout my being.
that is what truly makes it worth it.

so i guess i'm finding my own happiness for now. maybe meditation really opens me up. that would certainly make sense. i'll have to keep it up. see how often i should do it.
but i'll try to go to that group when i can, and i'll try to meditate on my own.
etc etc.

so this is good. i think i've found something that works for me. i'm really excited about that.

it works better than meds, too. which is even better.

even flow.

also, i may have another story to work on. i think this one might be easier for me to finish than the previous one, so i'll see what i can make of it.

it's called: Dear Sun

i'm writing letters to the sun, and i'll try to follow some sort of story, and make it poetic, too.

i already wrote the first letter.
an i'm thinking of starting a second blog and posting it there. i don't know if i really will though.

i'll just try to write it first. and see how far i can go with it. but i like the idea. and i like my character's "voice" so far, which i think has been partly inspired by Alice of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, which i'm currently reading.

it really is quite a lovely tale.

all my love,

all my love

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