Friday, March 12, 2010

kyrie eleison

i am in a daze right now. eyelids drooping, heavy.
and nothing really matters.

so what is this state of being?
surely, i am unraveling.
everything has become so difficult.
i no longer have what i used to.
it's all...gone...somewhere.
but where? and why? and how?

life makes me dull. on and on and on.
over and over.
wave after wave after wave.
my thoughts are incoherent.
my short-term memory is severely flawed unlike before.
i cannot seem to hold onto to anything. anything at all.
the charms of life no longer apply.

where is the beauty now?
it is in agony, inner and without, that i catch glimpses of it.
agony that seems so distant in those times.
but i feel it often scratching at the surface.
how truly dreadful.

or is this just another one. another soul.
how i long to know.

and for some reason, i cannot recall my name. how strange, indeed.
who am i, anyway?
what is this for?
but i feel the need to keep going.
keep typing.

my mind is blank and i am fading away. surely, i must be.

and i feel like i am falling, in place. falling, lost and seeing nothing.

what is this feeling?

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