and we were free

i am of the flesh and there is bitterness in my heart.
and i live in humility.
i am but a humble soul stumbling along my path on this earth.



there is sunshine on this day; there is light among us.
the spirit moves among us.
i kneel, my palms pressed to the ground,
before the power of something greater.
the power that surrounds us now.

.................

i want to believe. and i do.
in something. it is many things.
i know not what it is for certain.
but i do not need t name it.
i do not need any labels.
i only need my faith, blessed faith
in what is.
the power of the spirit out there
in the sky. of the earth.
and that spirit dwells within me.
and somewhere in all of us.
and i believe.

for there is strength in faith
and there is wisdom.
and there is love.

......................

oh, my love

and my heart is with him.
always with him.
it always has been.
ever since we came together.
ever since we found each other.

and when i left him
i left my heart behind.
i could never detach it from him,
from his heart.
i gave him my heart and
i cannot take it back
and there it shall remain
in his hands

so now i wait to hear him say
that we will be one again

................................

today is a troubled day.
my eyes are so swollen and burning, i am tired and my head and face ache all over.
i found out today that an old woman of my church, someone who has become very dear to me, is on life support in the hospital. i sat next to her husband today at church. we all prayed for her.
this woman, she always puts a smile in my heart. with all her love and kindness. and her somewhat quirky personality. i really love her.
so i'm hoping for the best.

and we actually have a good many people in our church who have health troubles. besides my father, there are others with cancers, tumors, and the like. those who struggle every day to keep going.
they are right at death's feet, in a sense.
and they are such a blessing to me, all of them.
people of such faith.
such a wonder to behold.

there is so much power in faith. within and without. that's one of the reasons i go to church. well, i go to churches, but specifically i am referring to the second one i attend. at the church we are a family.
i cannot truly call myself a christian anymore than i can call myself a pagan or buddhist. those three i seem to be mixing, for me. or rather, i mix them into one thing, all my own. beliefs, rituals, practices, and customs. there are certain things from each that appeal to me.

christianity never appealed to me much until i started to going to the aforementioned church. there is a spirt, as i will call out, that moves among us there. it a such a strong feeling, of great power and faith, that i sense there. that moves me.
also, i do believe Jesus has some sort of significance because i had a vision of him once. he was in the strangest form, but i know it was Jesus. so there is that as well.

my belief and sky father and earth mother, as well as certain pagan rituals, holidays, and other things has kept me with paganism/wicca.

meanwhile, buddhist customs, and certain beliefs, have captivated me. i do very much like the way buddhist services go.

so i have this little mixture.
i find strength in my beliefs because though they are mixed and not specifically under one religion or another, my faith is quite strong. it is the number one thing that has kept me going all these years.

and all i really want is to be a good person. and my faith aides me in that.
so i keep believing.

i really think it's important to believe in something, even if it's not something so supernatural. it doesn't have to be a god or some higher power.
i mean, i guess it can just be yourself, the power you have within you.
but in general, something greater than flesh. if you get know what i mean.

all my love,
Heather