i hope you dance

i am waiting in the pouring rain.
arms dangling. and fingers pressed on puffs of air. i do not
falter as the burning in my lungs grows and touches wistfully
at my ribcage, as the flames lick quietly up the walls of my heart,
as the kerosene spreads into my veins, my bones.
but i am trembling.

i am waiting for a heart like mine.
a heart that orbits my world in 2.17 seconds. a heart
that is not afraid to breathe in the fire. to live
with the ashes. he will twist and turn. writhe in agony.
and he will be mine, be forever.
in dreams everlasting.

i am waiting as i dance in time to the tune of pain.
the throbbing never ceases. the drums, unabated. there are
keystrokes and voices. whispering songs. my breath dies down
and my words fade away. and everything changes.
but i am not afraid.



and so i danced into the night.
just for on song though.
but it was magnificent, letting go out on the dark street.
the warm air set me free and i flitted to and fro with joy in my heart.
it is nice when i have times like that.
times when i'm alone, but feel so wonderful.
times when my soul is on fire, when the stars in my lungs burn with such intensity
i just have to get my feet moving.
there is some sort of ecstasy in it. i feel so renewed in those moments.
so alive.


i was feeling so inspired last night. and so light and fluffy.
ah, the sheets did feel so pretty and cool against my cheek.


oh blessed moment when my soul break free.




i am happy to say i am doing well so far in practicing and studying for my permit. i only got 4 questions wrong out of 120. i still need to study the driving record section. most of it is stuff about drinking, go figure. i'll probably be taking the test next month. i'm excited. i need to learn to drive already.
i feel so old.
and my younger sister, one of them, already drives. i figure i oughtta start driving before the other one gets there.
i do still have the issue of nerves with driving. i think i'm most worried about parallel parking.
and i don't trust my eyes all that much.
my vision tends to be clearer with contacts but i can't afford them yet. so glasses must do, for now.


i got a good bit of exercise in today. went walking and bike riding all over the place.

didn't sleep much last night, but the few hours i do get, i keep having the most pleasant dreams. it's really quite lovely like that. though i wish i could sleep more. i keep waking up though. and then i lie there and can't seem to fall asleep again for hours. hmmm...

i am still in a good mood today. exercise probably helps. listening to good music helps, too. and the beautiful outdoors, too, since these past few days have been warm and sunny. the fresh air really helps.
i'd suggest it to anyone. it's really quite nice.

all my love,
Heather