Friday, March 5, 2010

behind these eyes

you'll find i'm not much good for anything....except love

i'm feeling better, so let the stars enfold me once more, let the moon crash into me, let pixie dust fill my lungs until i can't breathe, until they explode, until there is a fire in my heart and white light where my eyes used to be.

let the snow melt away under the sunshine, and free my soul as it evaporates to join the sky.

oh, such is life.

i have bizarre, dark dreams, and i miss people. i feel very alone. well, at this moment, i am by myself, if we're not counting my puppy, and i don't mind. i think i'm getting used to the loneliness. maybe? because ever since my brother moved away i haven't had anyone to hang out with.
i'm stuck at my father's house 24/7 basically because even when he goes out, it's with his girlfriend, and he doesn't ever want me along, though he says otherwise.
i get it though. they usually go out to eat and he doesn't want to spend the money on me.
gah..he is such a hypocrite i kinda think. or just a stupid liar. or non-committal when there's no immediate threat. yet he complains. this mostly has to do with his health and weight, which he could do something about, and says he will, but he doesn't. because i'm pretty sure w all know that you can't lose weight if you're going to lay in bed nearly all day and you end up eating almost an entire bag of potato chips. and the excuse is, "Oh, well i can have these."

really? REALLY? R E A L L Y?
wtf. i just shake my head and try not to laugh.
oh, the idiots of the world. because i'm sorry, but my dad can be so stupid about so many things it pretty much drives me crazy. and then when he goes and messes with stuff in my room, moves something and i can't find it, etc, well that really makes me feel like punching him in the face. ugh. it's funny though. we are having a battle concerning showers. i have a routine set up so i end up doing things like i should.
so i was getting up at 6:30am to shower since it's during the time he has the water heater on. well, then he complained that it was waking him up and maybe i should wait till later. so then what? well, i started taking them at 6:45am instead.
but then, oh, he started getting up at 6:40am to take showers. and i thought: really now? what a douche.
so then i made my next move by going back to 6:30am. and guess what? now he's getting in at freaking 6:28am, only 2 minutes before i get up. WTF SERIOUSLY?

lol. so then, i said maybe i would just take them earlier then. and he said NO because he doesn't want to be woken up earlier. it pisses me off. especially because when he goes to take a shower that wakes me up. but haha, i'll get up at 6:20am and take one then. see what happen next. if he complains, well i'll tell him that i figured he would already be awake at that time since he usually takes a shower close to then, and what's 8 minutes anyway if he isn't already awake.
i get to send for transcripts since i need them to put wit my application for school. i also get to take a sot of entrance test, which i think i should be able to pass the first time through.

oh, and i'm also studying now to take my permit test. woo! finally.

anybody who actually reads this is cool. totally awesome, yeah?

all my love,

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