Wednesday, March 17, 2010

stars in my lungs

the are little stars in my lungs that burn up my breath and turn everything to ashes.

something keeps getting built up inside of me. i feel like i could explode. burst into flames. go leap into the sky. just run away.
i don't know how to help rid myself of the feeling. nothing seems to be working. and it's starting to make me feel sick.
and it's so chaotic.

it makes me really miss yesterday. yesterday i felt pretty good, even though i had that same feeling of something building up and pushing against my skin from the inside.
it tends to make my emotions go haywire.
i seriously am getting too hot and a little shaky.
perhaps, i ought to find some form of release, but i don't know what.
i thought of going on a walk or bike ride, but my back is very sore, so i'm not sure i would last very long if i tried to do one of those things.
i already exercised earlier, but that didn't help much.
i feel rather exhausted, too.

but i'm getting fidgety. yet i feel so tired?
it's like having too much energy and no energy at the same time. i really dislike feeling this way. it usually doesn't go away except on it's own. or while i'm asleep at night.
or something like that.

i also sang earlier and played piano a little bit. and danced.
i want to write a song and use "stars burning in my lungs" somehow. and i want it to be a love song.
and i'd like to record it if i can get it all together properly. maybe?
i love music. it holds a kind of sanctuary for me.

i think that's enough for now. i can't think properly right now.
but i'll do my best.

all my love,

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