Sunday, March 14, 2010

watch me as i fall

friday was so strange. i felt so weird, but i can't describe it accurately. i read over my blog from that day, which i seriously don't even remember writing.
it's like watching my mind trickle down into nothing.
i can see where i was starting to lose myself and notice how it turned into nothingness. just like that.
really, really strange.

so anyway, i'm really tired and can't really think of much to say.

voices. voices. voices.
i wonder, they seem to be getting worse.

still preparing for school. and my permit test.

and, and...
i see a doctor on tuesday. i'm looking forward to it because it will be a relief to finally be getting somewhere on what this pain is from. it has been much too long-going. something really needs to be done soon.

i am so tired. did i mention that? daylight savings time didn't help with that. it was still dark when i woke up this morning.
same thing with sleep as has been. i keep waking up various times throughout the night. the dreams are a bit less pleasant, somewhat murky, but have as warm a glow about them as ever. or maybe the colors are just changing.

it's nice to dream though, isn't it?

all my love,

1 comment:

  1. You write so very well with such conviction and passion and clarity. You can give yourself to this false world so readily and lay yourself bare before the nothingness. Such beauty and talent trapped inside your protective emotional exoskeleton. There is a butterfly in your cocoon that wants so desperately to fly amongst the highest treetops but is trapped in a labyrinth of inner turmoil and despair unable to gather the power needed to break free. There is a demon tethered to your soul that pulls you back into the darkness just when you are gathering momentum toward the light. We all have demons. Find your demon(s)and expose them to the light and be free of them.