i wrote this last night.
shattered so easily.
i don't get it. everything was going so well. i did what i needed to do, and yet, here i am feeling lost and confused.
oh, but really i am going down the right path. and everything, i mean absolutely everything i had in mind, is falling into place, and within reach.
i can feel it.
but right now i am sitting among the flood of despair. really, what could it be?
why does my heart cry out so?
i am just trying to understand my own mind, mad as it is.
i still seem to be unraveling, coming undone at the seams, tearing off piece by piece.
really, what is this? i want to know.
there are so many holes and missing elements.
and oh, my fragmented memory, how it seems to be shutting down.
and i just don't know what to do with that.
i'm just crying again.
and here i felt alright this morning.
so how am i supposed to know what to do to chase away the darkness?
i think i find something, and then i stick with it, and it loses its power.
maybe not completely, but nothing works consistently.
the whole mental issue itself is not consistent.
at this point, there has even been doubt upon the diagnosis of bipolar previously given.
and we really think there is more to it.
or are we all just losing it?
i don't want everyone to fall apart. someone has to keep it together.
who am i anyway?
i'm still trying to understand that.
they call it fragmentation. this whole personailty thing.
fragmented to begin with? broken? who knows?
who could know who we are?
thoughts are fleeting, too fast. time makes no sense.
and dreams. dreams are peace.