somehow i failed to mention earlier that yesterday i had the worst anxiety attack i've ever had. it was awful. i was shaking and hyperventilating and throwing up and totally freaking. oh, and i was arguing myself a lot too.
yeah. i hear voices. i was talking to someone about that today and they said that kind makes it sound like i'm schizophrenic. i was like...really? wtf?
whatever. idk. not that it matters. right now i don't get any meds or therapy until i can get insurance again. it sucks. but i'll do what i can.
on the other hand, today was pretty freaking good. some things are just beginning to work in my favor. i like. i was disappointed that i didn't get 100% on my latest pharmacology test but at least i got 97%. which is pretty freaking good considering i took it when i was pretty stressed out and pressed for time and so distracted by other stuff that all the errors i made were stupid ones. oh well. it was a 7 page test. i tried to do my best and i fell a little short. all i can do is learn from it and do better next time.
but anyway, life is getting better. in the coming months i will be getting to see various people whom i have missed very much so. it will be awesome to see them again.
and i think i'm finally figuring some things out.
like i said before, i'm moving on from some things i really needed to get away from. i just couldn't let go of some stuff and now i finally am.
the days to come may be super crazy though due to the lack of meds. i'll just do my best for myself. that's all i can really do. and keep reminding myself that i'm awesome, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, talented, etc. because that's what so many people keep telling me and i too often forget that.
i try to remember that despite all the jerks out there in the world, there are plenty of people who care about me. i just keep telling myself that when i get really upset or sad or lonely.
despite all the stress, i can truly say i'm happy at the moment. and that's nice for a change.
all my love,
Heather
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