star showers, paper flowers

so it's cool. i'm back to my cheery self.

it's just more learning. like learning who my true friends are. learning that some things are just not worth fussing over.
when you've done your best and there's still a big mess
it's best to let it be.

i'm kind of annoyed that i've run into yet another situation where someone isn't wiiling to just be my friend. to me, it's like they're telling me that being my friend isn't good enough. if we can't be more, why bother. that kind of thing. it's always disappointing, especially when someone is a really close friend and suddenly gets mad at me when they realize i'm just not interested in dating them.

but i realize that there isn't really anything i can do. if they act like that, well, i can't really help it.

it's about doing what makes me happy. not getting so caught up in the possibility that a choice over who i want to be with might hurt somebody. that doing what makes me happy might make other people not like me as much.
i just can't deny myself certain things anymore because someone else doesn't approve.
it's not like i'm intentionally hurting anyway. that's never how it is.

i make choices. sometimes they are good choices, sometimes not so good, but at the time i do what i think is right.

i'm not going to continue living in sadness and loneliness just to keep someone else happy. it just doesn't make sense.

i'm in charge of my own happiness. i'm in charge of my own life. and i know my true friends will still be there even when i make choices they don't like or approve of.

so yeah. i'm learning.
it's tough when you find out that someone doesn't care like they seemed to, or even like they said they did.
and it's disappointing.

but that's life. full of lessons on truth and disappointment. on love. on pain. on faith. on everything.

it's all out there.

since quite a few people have decided for whatever reason in the past year that they don't like me anymore, i'm just more thankful for the people who have shown me they really care. those are the people out there who in my eyes are simply amazing.
and now i know who they really are.

and i love them for it.

with all my heart,
Heather