Thursday, August 5, 2010

staying up late and waking up early

so..other things have happened this week.
i'm spending my time with my super cool grandmother and getting a much needed break from my usual life. as usual, there's a certain person i live with who continues to irritate me on an daily basis and it's nice to get away from that. and the negative attitudes of him and other various people i see around there.

going back to my super cool grandmother though, she took me to a casino for the first time since i turned 21. so of course, we went to go play slots. penny slots.
despite my reservations about gambling, i did enjoy myself. i think most of it was the excitement of my first time. it was cool because she was teaching me about how to play them the "right" way so that i wouldn't lose all my money super fast. we were there for a couple of hours. and at the end we walked out with maybe a couple more dollars than we started with. not much more, but she told me that coming out with even half the money you start with is a good night. and since we essentially broke even, that was really good.
i like being up late and having something to do anyway. and it was a good experience. i figured out that it's enjoyable but i really don't have much interest in it.

my sleep has been all over the place, but it's back down to around 3 hours per night. i've been having interesting dreams. good dreams even. some of them that i wish were real...but whatever. at least the feelings i have in them are real. something pleasant within all the stress and sadness and hurt. and that's nice. even if they are just dreams. love is still the sweetest thing there is.

in reality, life is decent. there are amazing things about my life that i do not forget. mostly my family, and a few friends, and happy memories.
and surviving. and succeeding at what i'm trying to do.
i am putting my all into school and i'm getting the best i can out of it.
it's nice to be a straight-A student, and i plan on staying one. at least for this semester. i know i can do it.

in the meantime, i take care of my puppy and do a little art here and there and try to enjoy what i can in life. school included. it helps that i have good teachers and interesting classes.

and i have a feeling that things will get better. and i'll be happier in years to come. it's just a feeling, but it keeps me moving forward.

with all my heart,

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