i'd like to go in chronological order with these, but i don't think i can.
but i wanted to start a collection of the memories that stick to me.
most of them will probably be unhappy.
that's just how it is.
we were living in the apartment then.
it was late at night and my mother was gone. my siblings and i were in the living room. my brother was playing Animal Crossing. i was lying on the couch, watching the game and trying not to fall asleep.
i dozed off for a moment. maybe longer. enough time for things to go wrong.
i woke up, startled. my siblings had decided it would be funny to put shaving cream on me when i was asleep. in my confusion, it got in my eyes, and burned, and burned.
i was crying, and they were all around me, and laughing, laughing, laughing at me. at my pain. confusion.
i was so upset and just wanted to get away. stop hearing that wretched laughter. broken record playing in my head. i ran outside, tears in my eyes, wishing the burning would stop, wanting quiet.
after about five minutes, i tried to go back inside. but the door was locked. they locked me out. it was early in the morning, dark outside. i was confused, scared, distressed. i sat outside the door and waited.
the sun was starting to rise. i could see the sky growing lighter. i heard someone unlock the door.
i went inside. straight to bed. exhausted.
this is one of only two incidents i remember clearly enough where my siblings all ganged up on me, though i know there were many other times that it happened. it always made me really sad that they would be like that. i loved them so much. it confused me. then again, children can be incredibly cruel and often lacking the understanding of how hurtful things can be.