Wednesday, October 20, 2010

give me a chance

When I was 16, I decided to tell one of my friend's that I'm bisexual. Not only did she have nothing to say and turned and walked away, she never spoke to me again and avoided me at school.

My wish for the future is that more of the people I love will be more accepting about that part of me. It's who I am.

Some people claim that we choose to be homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.
If only they knew the countless times I wished it were that simple. But it's not. It's like I've said before, that we can't exactly pick and choose who we fall in love with, which is why we often fall for people who aren't any good for us.

I happen to be attracted to women and men, emotionally and sexually. Both on pretty much an equal level. Anyone that knows enough can point out that I've only dated guys...officially anyway. That happens to be more because it was a lot easier to find guys to be with than girls because it's hard to know which girls are even interested to begin with, at least for me it has been that way. Although the fact is that I've been interested throughout my life in more girls than guys. I've had more crushes on girls.
It's something I never talked about much. I still don't talk about it much.
Partly because it seems like the only people really comfortable hearing about it and discussing it are others of the LGBT community.

But this is real. I don't tend to show it because of all the people that don't accept it. People look at it as some kind of disease, some kind of problem, something to be fixed. And it scares me into hiding it. It scares me from having the guts to ask girls out. From being more open about it.

I also tend to go back and forth between which sex/gender catches my attention more. I currently find myself more attracted to women. I have been fortunate to make a friend at school(even though he's a guy) who is homosexual and understands a lot of what I'm going through. I really miss a lot of my bi female friends from high school though, who really helped me get by when others weren't so nice to me about it.

Like anyone else, I just want to be accepted for who I am. I on;t want to have to hide who I am in fear of being judged in a negative way.
We just want acceptance. It's not like we expect people to be like us.
i just don't want people to hate me because of who I love.

To me, love has no gender. No race. Female, male, hermaphrodite, transgender/transexual, etc. Black, white, hispanic, asian, etc. It DOES NOT matter to me. Because that isn;t what is important.

I somehow, from the beginning, saw people's personalities more than I sw what they looked like. It is life and other people that taught me to be judge, to be prejudiced, to dislike others for who they are.

But to me, I just want nice people. Kind, good-willed, respectful, trustworthy people. Those are the kind of people I want as friends. That is what is important.

I do not care who someone else loves, as long as they are happy. As long as who they love is not hurting them.

I wish more people felt the same.

All my love,

1 comment:

  1. Luckily, you have family that doesn't judge your sexual preferences. I think as you get older, you'll see the benefit of "taking it slow". Too often we jump into relationships head first and then find out too late that we should have waited or slowed down (I am guilty of that also). Impulsiveness is difficult to overcome (speaking from experience)but if you can learn to manage it, you'll be much happier.