Thursday, January 13, 2011

who am i? and what is real?

i am me.

i think too much.
dreams and reality often melt together (i attribute this to my ever-failing vision).
when dreams and reality both look blurry, when both feel real, how do i really know the difference?

like, have you ever wondered if you're really awake when you're dreaming, and when you're dreaming is when you're really awake? how do we know for sure?

someone may point out that it can't make sense that way because of how much dreams vary? but i have often felt too much in my dreams to disregard them as simply "things my mind makes up."

if i asked someone in my dream to pinch me, i would feel it. this only adds to the confusion.

as of late i am confronted with at least a few particular spirits, spirits of negative energy, seemingly drawn to my fragile, innocent being. they torment. they watch me. they pick at me. they try to make me hurt.

last night was frightening. he was right over me, ugly teeth pressed uncomfortably close to my ear, whispering in some malicious and strange language, suffocating me.
but i took that light i now have in my heart, my love, and i used all the strength i could muster to break free of that darkness that choked me. what came out was not words at all, just sound, but it broke through the darkness and pushed that spirit away.

i was bombarded by nightmares last night in the aftermath, each time increasingly worse, more frightening.

they use fear to scare you. to hurt you. to make you feel bad things.

but i am fighting.
i am fighting because there is love in my heart and a light, a fire that cannot burn out so easily, the fire of a star inside of me.

i have love. i can beat them. i will not let them hurt me.

all my love,

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