Sunday, January 16, 2011

annual occurences

starting out with...yes, i'm pretty sure i have the flu right now. again. i have gotten it like...every january for the past 5 or 6 years. kind of like how i've been sick every christmas day for the past 5 or 6 years. oh fun.

it's fine though. i'm all jacked up on pseudophedrine HCl right now. gotta love drugs. plus i inted to use my neti pot at some point. i love that thing. once i got used to it, it actually is nice. i just need to make a habit of using it more often, like at least once a week.

yes, you may point out the fact that getting a flu shot would probably have been worthwhile to me, but hey. i don't know. my teacher said the same thing. but i mean, i do okay just dealing and taking my drugs and oh god i do not like vaccines. so yeah. and...ummm...i am mad about the latex allergy. it sucks. i am so thankful that most of the time i can find vinyl gloves.

yep. i have to avoid things made of latex, certain kinds of adhesive in things like bandaids and medical tape, and certain lubricants, and it can really suck sometimes but i find that i can manage everything alright.

i was just thinking about latex because some vaccine stuff part of the syringe might have latex in it, but i think i have to have direct contact for a significant period of time for it to be an issue. but i still don't like vaccines....last one i got was the freaking Gardasil that left whatever arm i got it in useless for the remainder of the day and hurt like a bitch.

i am feeling relieved. i finally located my wallet yesterday. it found its way back behind the drawer in one of my dressers so i initially did not see it when i searched for it.
now i can commence my plans to go see an eye doctor and finally get new glasses (since everyone and their mom likes to point out to me the fact that my glasses are crooked--as if i had no idea they were).

i am happy, despite being sick. school is almost finished. getting a job shouldn't be too difficult. going to start studying for my permit test again. and though i am unhappy with the random crap my teacher keeps throwing at me with tests (further lowering ym grade in the class bleh) i am dealing with it.

it's whatever with me at this point. my main concern with that class is to get out of it what i need to pass the certification exam. so what if i end up with a B? lame, but not too big of a deal in the big scheme of things. i'll be fine.
though i shall try my hardest to do well on this next exam anyway. because i can.
i want to do well, even if i am constantly frustrated. my teacher decided to make the test twice as difficult as usual, without telling me it would be that way, because i'm the only one left in this class and i'm smart enough to handle the tougher questions. i am fine with it now, but a heads up would have been nice considering it changes what i study and just how much studying i need to cram in to do well.

otherwise, happiness.
things are going well on my end. also going well on my boyfriend's end.
life is good. i miss my family though. my cali family. i love them so much and it has been quite some time since i last saw any of them. plus, my sister and brother out in OK.
only because the closest decent family member i can really talk to around here is in MD. my uncle and his family are nice, but i have never been particularly close to any of them. can't really talk to them much, so yeah.

depending on how job stuff pans out, i may be staying in PA for quite a while. seeing as how, if i get that job at Walgreens, i want to keep it as long as possible, or at least until the job market gets way better than it is right now.

but happiness. stability, for the most part. without meds. i know that meds could be helpful, but at the same time, they always hold me back in certain ways and it is easier to not have to worry about how i will get them. i manage well enough on my own. it has taken a while to get to this point where i feel comfortable on my own, managing my emotions as they are, mental disorders/chemical imbalances, and what have you. i cope. i get by. i have my moments, but these days they haven't been as bad. or frequent.

having things to focus on, to dedicate myself to, really helps. having someone to pour ridiculous amounts of love onto helps even more.
especially because i have finally found someone who:
1. does not hold my issues against me
2. if completely willing to help me out as much as he can when i'm having trouble
3. handles himself and the situation very, very well when problems arise
4. is stable. (two unstable people does not a healthy relationship make).

we both have our faults, flaws, times of weakness, but are both so caring, understanding, respectful, responsible, etc. that it works out just fine.


finally i have found someone who is completely honest with me. i believe in brutal honesty. i do not want someone keeping how they really feel away from me just to spare my feelings. in the end, when people do that, i feel hurt because they did not trust me enough to tell me how they really feel about something.

every time an issue/argument/whatever comes up, we immediately discuss and resolve it. yes.

it is so refreshing to be with someone who is just as dedicated and keeping this relationship healthy and successful and full of love and understanding.

that's really all i ever wanted. all the cool things, like his awesome bass playing and poetry writing and nerdiness, are just bonuses i really appreciate and love, but in the end it comes down to the importance of communicating and respecting each other and being responsible about things and just plain loving each other no matter what.

that is how relationships and love should be. are supposed to be. this is how my current romantic relationship is. and i am thankful for that.

there are those of you who saw just how much bad, unhealthy, hurtful relationships affected me in the past. so i am hoping you see that this one is different. and i am much better off because of it. and very happy.
and i am glad that you ever cared in the past about my safety and happiness. i am glad people have watched out for me, even if i didn't always listen to them. i am glad you were there for me anyway. it means a lot.

all my love,


  1. wait you are the only person in one of your classes?

  2. yep. we had two. the one girl stopped coming to class though. the class is specific to the pharmacy tech program only, therefore only pharm tech students take it. and i'm the only one left in my term doing pharmacy tech.