my heart races. it's a tough feeling to capture with words, but i can certainly try.
little flutters course through my body, urging me to thrash, to twitch, to dance a dance of unease and distress, to run-don't-you-dare-just-walk, to spread my arms wide and fly away.
it's a troubling feeling, and i've never discerned quite where it comes from, or how, or why, or what of anything triggers it. all i know is that such a sensation gives me a dose of intsant-anic. 1, 2, 3, and I'm swept off my feet, suffocating, drowning, senses going haywire as though i'm fighting against a current, struggling to push something heavy off of my fragile being.
it's always hopeless though to really do anything about it.
i'm overheated though.
i think i'll go out and leap out into the snow in one brilliant moment of freedom.
it's that impulse that often destroys me if i falter and let myself be tempted into darker things. but today, let their only be the lovely release without any danger, without any trouble, without any regret.
just let me b r e a t h e.