misery business

oh, misery, keep me.


so...i don't know how long i cried yesterday. but, well, that's my life right now. but it was all bitter this time, without it's usual sweetness. i wish i could be happy like this, but i just don't see a way right now. all i can do is hope that things end up going my way. and maybe i'll feel better.


i know what makes me happy. it's having someone to shower with love and affection, who does the same for me in return. that's just how it is. that's just how i am. just who i am. my happiness is fueled by love, and therefore by other people.
people will often say that only i can make myself happy, and i can see what they mean, but when it comes to me, i'm really relying on others, or one other rather, to make me happy. the happiness does indeed come from within though.

it's al this waiting though. i keep waiting and waiting. well, it's only been 2 months but that seems like forever when you're waiting for someone to tell you if they still want you or not.

if only i could just talk to him, but he won't talk to me right now. well, i haven't tried calling, but i feel like that would be forcing him to speak, if he even would answer his phone, when he might be uncomfortable doing so.

oh, what a dilemma. what a strange and uncomfortable place i'm in.
still hoping i can manage to make things better. i do have faith in myself and really think i can be successful in school and get that all worked out.
yes indeed.

and for now, i'll swim through the ocean of sorrow at a steady pace.

all my love,
Heather