it is impossible, i have found, to change the fact that i hide how i really feel in front of the majority. but honestly, how can i be honest about my feelings of despair without having to explain, without people bugging me about it, without unnecessary concern?
it just doesn't work that way.
and i'm sad for most of the time, almost all the time, almost every day. but i mean, i'm not going to express that openly whenever i'm feeling that way because i too often feel that way.
and i never want people to worry. it's not like my life is threatened here. well at least, usually it isn't.
my heart aches right now. i'm still waiting on answers i've already waited months for.
waiting shouldn't hurt so much. but it does. it really does.
what's worse is that i miss a lot of people. i lack any genuine friends that actually live close by, people to find more light-hearted times with. i need more fun in my life. definitely.
i will have to patiently wait and work through to the time when i can go back to friends and love. for now, i have a lot of work ahead of me. school mostly. 8 months of school, a big test, work and saving money until i can return. at least a whole year, but probably a little longer.
that's that for now.
all my love,