identifier

it's funny how i know i am very different now from how i was four months ago, yet a lot of the time i feel just the same as i was back then.

this blog has just been me. filtered but not too much. honest, but private sort of.
me me me me me me me.

i feel like saying this. i am not a boy or a girl. or i am both. neither. one or the other depending on how i feel. i am brainstorming boy names for myself. it's fun.

sometimes i wish i were more androgynous. sometimes my sister tells me i look like a boy. and inside, i have the biggest smile on my face.

i can't ever decide between long and short hair. long hair is so pretty and fun, but more girly. i guess it doesn't have to be. but it feels girly to me.

i don't know. honestly, i am still confused and unsure about a lot of things.

but what i am sure of is, i love my life because i love my family and my best friend right now and my other good friends and etc.

and things work out. i have been working on stuff and it's going well enough.

i am actually quite nervous if i do get this job i just interviewed for because i think i will put a lot of pressure on myself when i shouldn't. sure, i had school, but this is hands on and the real thing and it's still very new to me and they know that and won't expect me to be perfect but i so very much want to do well.

if i get the job, that is. i will be okay either way. which is nice. it is nice to sit here and not freak out that "oh know what if i don't get this job then where else should i look and what are my chances and what am i going to do oh no oh no" because i realize that just because one thing doesn't work out it doesn't mean nothing ever will.

hey, i learned something!

some stranger popped in and said something nice and changed my mind about the biggest decision i had ever made for my life and it doesn't seem like that makes sense but it does.

can you tell i'm in a run-on sentence mood?

i am actually feeling quite ill at the moment. i have been lightheaded the majority of the day plus my throat has been very sore and i am not happy about that.

but anyway, i am happy because i am happy because i am in love and it is working and i love people and life is okay because there are still good things and my biodad isn't home to bug me right now. woo.

i love you. love you. love you all.

with all my heart,
Heather

PS. this is so totally PFA