Wednesday, September 29, 2010

can't make myself believe

so i wrote a letter to my pastor. explaining pretty much everything. my beliefs, my attempts to change them, the reason i went to church anyway, etc. i felt like it would work better and i could get out everything i felt like i need to say without him interrupting me, since every time i tried to explain something when we talked face to face he just started talking about something and made me feel like i couldn't really say anything.

it has been troubling a times, the fact that i am not, never was, and probably never will be Christian. there were several times where it seemed like it would be so much easier to be one. maybe i'd fit in a little more, be accepted, make certain people happier that exxpected me to be one, etc.
it's like even though people say that they accept me for my own beliefs, there is an automatic distance formed as soon as someone learns i'm not Christian.
we tell ourselves that we aren't prejudiced, but we can't completely hide it if we are. i get that a lot from Christians, for some reason. it never seems to be from Jewish people or Wiccans or Buddhists or anything. it's always Christians.

i'm incredibly curious as to why it tends to be that way.

i don't want to say that there is anything wrong with being Christian because i honestly don't believe that or i wouldn't have tried to be one myself. it just seems that there is so much corruption in it, and there's so much pressure coming from so many of these people that it really bothers me sometimes.

i think it's really great that someone people can be so incredibly full of faith and full of love for their god. what i don't like is when i'm expected to follow along. especially when they want you to believe every single thing that they do.

i don't know, really. but i'm starting to see that it seems to be acceptable to mention "God" or "Jesus" in public, but mention anything else and people decide they don't like you, or they give you some odd look.
does it really have to be wrong for me to openly express beliefs even though people thinks it's perfectly acceptable for Christians to express theirs?

food for though, perhaps. i'd love to hear some other opinions here.

1 comment:

  1. First of all, I agree with you. I also believe that one of the reasons that Christians tend to do that moreso than others is simply because Christianity is such a dominant religion as in it is probably the most common. Also, one of the biggest issues amongst religions seems to be that people will say they should have freedom to believe what they believe and that they should be able to preach what they believe and people should respect that. But then if someone of a different religion wants to preach to them their beliefs or especially a person who isnt religious wants to preach his beliefs, all the sudden it is okay to disrespect that and be hateful. I dont understand how one can be so hypocritical.