Monday, September 27, 2010

before i fall apart

sometimes i could swear my heart feels like it might explode...or something. in this case, i'm actually referring to the organ itself. i got really scared about 15 minutes ago because i started getting really shaky and my heart was racing and i couldn't breathe right. freaking annoying. i don't know why.

i was so focused on reorganizing and setting up stuff in my room (i just got a bunch of new furniture for it) and it happened. i was chilling and moving stuff and listening to music and wham. so i'm not really sure what that was.
i happened to be at a good stopping point anyway so i decided i should try to relax and let my body calm down. good thing it worked. i'm okay now, except that my chest feel kinda compressed in such a way that i'm having breathing trouble, but at least i seem to be breathing more normally.

i finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last night. i'm majorly excited about the movie, even more so because i saw the most recent trailer for it. it showed the seven potters and the Dumbledore ghost/dust thing and stuff.

*spoiler alert*

i totally forgot that Lupin and Tonks died. I have no idea why. And then I thought about the fact that Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs all died. Dang. Plus, well, Lily and Snape. Which makes us think back to the whole scene with that group of people...but anyway...


Well, I didn't cry this time.

I can't believe I forgot so much about the book though. Like how the doe patronus actually belongs to Snape. i kept trying to remember who the heck that belonged to, and i couldn't think of it. it made me think of Lily, which is somewhat on the mark because her patronus was also a doe.

I felt like I was able to process a lot more of the content this time and understand more of the symbolism, possibly because I already knew the basic plot or because I spent more time reading it.

But enough of that.

I watched movies this weekend.
I was all excited because I finally got Cirque du Freak to watch, but it was mjorly disappointing.

I found another movie I do like though.
Sense and Sensibility. Who knew?
I was looking for stuff that had Hugh Laurie in it (if you don't know who that is...go look him up), and I came across that movie. And it had all these other people in it that I like, too, so that made me happy. It's weird though because I've tried to read some Jane Austen books before and didn't particularly enjoy them, but I like the movies based off of them.

Oh, I also watched an episode of this comedy show "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" and it was kinda funny. I guess British humor is just so much different than American, so I didn't think it was super funny, but some of it made me laugh. I don't know.

I messed around with Cleverbot yesterday as well. I got kind of freaked out when it told me to eat a glazed donut filled with blood, but otherwise it was just amusing.
Supposedly it learns things from every conversation it has, so yeah. I liked how I said "THE GAME" and it replied "awww i just lost the game." some of you might not get that, but whatever.

i also read a really interesting horror story about a possessed video game (Majora's Mask) and it was pretty cool. Props to the writer for making it almost believable. he wrote it initially like it was something that was actually happening, and he had videos along with it that added to the creepiness of the whole thing. i loved it.

i have two more weeks of this term left at school. i'm super excited. i'm doing really well, so i'll probably get lots of awards and stuff at the next awards thing. I know i'll get some perfect attendance stuff and something for having a 4.0 and i also get my HIPAA certification. also, if i get 100% in pharmacology and pharmacy procedures i get this thing called a "genius" award. and i only have a couple tests left in each class.

so exciting. it's all going so well. that makes me feel pretty good.

if only i could stop dreaming about a certain person. it would be so much easier if i didn't dream about him because that just confuses me and i end up thinking more about him because of it and i'd much rather just let it go.
but all these's almost like my heart or mind or whatever is trying to tell me something. maybe. i try to listen but all i get is that strange silence where you're hearing people talking but not really.

i usually don't actually hear any sound in my dreams, but people say stuff in them all the time and there is noise of wind and cars and things somehow. it's there, but it's not. i'm not sure how else to describe it.

all my love,

and one last thing:
i supposedly wrote another blog entry that i don't remember writing. i don't know how i keep doing that. it's weird. the one i posted before this, though, i went back and read it and i could swear that i didn't type any of that, and the way it is worded is different from how i usually say things. hm. it's odd. because i know i must have written it. and yet, i don't remember writing it.

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