in case anyone missed it, my last blog was me being positive.
today i got to participate in a thing with MHA and do a painting with the theme of wellness. i have to put another hour or so into my painting before it's finished. I got really into it. i love being very symbolic in my art. i like little details that have meaning. every part of this painting has some sort of meaning to me.
i did a painting about self-love. loving yourself even though you've been broken down. even if you feel ugly. even if life seems pointless. self-love.
it has been the most difficult challenge in my life. learning to love myself.
some people in my life told me that i could never truly love someone else without truly loving myself first. initially, i thought maybe they were right. but then i found out they were wrong. at least, in my case. because i realize that i have really loved others, with every part of me, every bit of my heart, even in the times where i didn't like myself much at all. where i didn't really love myself i learned to love others, and in turn, eventually learned through these other people to love myself.
sometimes i still don't really love myself though. and i realize that is mostly my brain being strange. or the others inside of me. and that's okay.
it's kinda disappointing when people disregard my positivity and snap up whatever i say when i'm feeling bad. this isn't directed at anyone in particular. it happens a lot with people. plenty of people focus too much on the negative and not enough on the positive. i used to be one of those people. now i'm not, and i'm helping pull out someone else who still is. :)
it's a happy feeling.
all my love,