Thursday, July 1, 2010

there's a reason for the world: You and I

so let's start with school. i'm ahead in keyboarding, i have over 100% in anatomy & physiology, and i aced my tests so far for medical terminology. can i get all A's? maybe. just maybe. wouldn't that be swell?
in other words, it's going well.

emotinally..things are a bit off. i've been depressed all this week. i try to pay attention to see if anything changed that could affect my emotions but i don't see anything there. just my typical mood swings maybe.
but i'm floating. flowing. i'm getting through and that's what i think counts. i think i'm learning more about doing what i need to while i'm low.

i'm just...down. and floating by. but getting through.

sometimes i shut myself in my room and just cry. sometimes i sing and hurt and wish i could fly away. sometimes i just feel lost. sometimes i feel like i'm already gone.

i had to get blood drawn today. i used to like getting blood drawn. but now my body reacts negatively to it and my arm is still sore from it. so now it's not so good.
my doctor wanted to check the levels of my meds.

i always feel like i'm medicated though. it causes a shift in my creativity. it's why i hate having to be on meds. i lose my spirit. and i hate that.
sometimes, i feel like maybe i'm still really living. sometimes, i feel alive.

but the rest of's like drifting along and not having anything within me.
i don't know how else to describe it.

all my love,

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