Friday, July 16, 2010

and i thought i heard you wrong.

yesterday i got home and layed down on my bed and didn't get up at all, except to feed my puppy, until this morning.

i am tired.

no matter what i do. no matter how much i sleep or don't sleep. no matter how much i eat, what i eat, etc, etc.

and i don't know why.

i fight with myself to get out of bed in the morning. i fight with myself to stay up. to go to class. to keep my head up. to listen. to study in the evening.

i've been feeling sick a lot these past three weeks.
even more tired than usual.

i'm frustrated with my body.

and relieved that my mind is keeping up with things, rather than slowing down to.
i'm still getting all A's, most of them perfect scores, on my tests. i push myself to study and get all this information drilled in.
i know i can do it.

there's the side of me that's falling apart.

and then there's the side that just won't give in. the side i want to win.

but i'm afraid of breaking apart even more. yet that's exactly what threatens to happen.

i keep pushing, and pushing.
how far can i go before i break?

guess i won't know until it happens.
though i'm hoping it won't.

with all my heart,

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