dancing into insanity

i watched Black Swan yesterday.
i have to say...i really love this movie. but if you haven't seen it, be warned, it might mess with your head a little.

i'm always affected emotionally by movies i watch, books i read, etc. so this movie definitely got to me. but i love movies like that. the concepts involved, the view of ballet in such a sense...it was amazing.


in contrast, i am finally finishing up reading the first book in the Hitchhiker's Guide trilogy, this being my third attempt to read and actually finish it.


life is life. cake is cake. of which i have none.
but i do have Easter candy.


still looking for a job. i've even applied to openings for jobs not in my field at some of the pharmacy stores like CVS, but i'm not even having luck with that. I think my lack of experience is a problem, perhaps.

i can't seem to convince anyone to stay away from me. i can tell them i'm crazy, but what do they care? they don't believe i'm really crazy. yet.

i kind of wish i could be better at pushing people away when i feel like i need to. but i can't bring myself to say any harsh words. i'm always so honest with myself and my friends that when i calmly explain to them that i need space and don't want to be too close they don't take me seriously enough.
since i'm passive the only thing i think i might be able to do is ignore people for a while. i don't know.
everything is always so complicated when it comes to interactions with people.

i am hoping to find some inspiration soon to create some really awesome art again. i feel so close to something great...i just need to find it and capture it long enough to get it out on paper.

emotionally...i am...not really sure where i am. it's the same thing as it has been before. i am happy with my life but moment-to-moment i feel depressed and unmotivated. nothing seems fun anymore. i'm getting too cynical again.

there is but one brightly shining light in my life and i'm holding fast to it, but my spirit still feels too fleeting. i'll stay strong until my strength is all gone though.

all my love,
Heather