Thursday, April 14, 2011

in the whole scheme of things

i had such a wonderful trip down to NC. very, very wonderful. really brought back a lot of hope into my heart about my life. not everything goes according to plans but the end result is as desired.

i trip and fall into a ditch. i don't always trust the right people. bad things happen. really bad things. i'm pushing this little thing aside. my head is a bit fuzzy about the details anyway and i don't need the drama in pursuing the unlikely chance that the person in question is dealt with. so i'm dropping it and cutting him out. it's the best thing i can do.

i'm planning on applying to an opening at CVS. it's a regular 3rd shift position but it'll get me some income at least, which i desperately need as my biodad continues to skimp on buying adequate food at times. plus I can apply to a pharm tech position at the same time anyway, so...

there is so much going on. what. the. fuck.
tornadoes down in NC. lots of them. i was just down there, and the fact that my dearest friend ever was so close to being one of the many injured/dead from said tornadoes freaked me out quite a bit. one really strange panic attack either(i skipped all the hyperventilating and actually panicking and moved straight into feeling like i was dying) and then i'm sitting in my bed talking and thanking the powers that be that we are all still here together.

by the way, i came home and noticed that in the week i was gone my puppy gained weight. my good tweezers are missing. clothes hung haphazardly and inside-out in my closet(curse my being all ocd about it) and my bottle of agave nectar is also missing...and the tub the puppy stays in when everyone is away smelled like he peed a lot in it (like he was taken out often enough) and etc.
i wasn't really surprised by any of this though...just peeved as usual.

i like getting up in the mornings and easing into things. my biodad expects me to be waking up at 6am every morning and start working on things immediately for some reason. despite my continuous efforts to explain that i like to just chill in the mornings when i can and such, he continues to whine about me not doing anything in the morning. (well gee, i'm sorry i don't end up sleeping much at night and therefore spend a lot of time in the morning lying in bed trying to rest).

um...i have no idea. kind of pissed at some people right now. wishing i could just ignore them. stop caring. need to stay focused on my own goals. getting away and getting a life.

i'm only more sure about what i want now. which makes me feel quite good, actually.

all my love,

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