holiday sorrows and winter bliss

today another day. and it's holiday season.

winter makes me happy, but the holidays make me feel alone. i get that longing to fall asleep in a cold, winter snow.

love never tasted sweeter, felt more wonderful.
yet i find myself lingering upon a depression i cannot swim away from.


i feel pretty good most of the time. i am much better than i was.
it's just that sinking feeling. just the usual, awful, treacherous cloud in my head.

floods and tunnels and risks.

familiar nightmares do not feel any less frightening.


i'm still having nightmares everynight and having trouble sleeping and feeling depressed.
i started a regimen of supplementation to test it out and see if i get to feeling any more whole.

i slipped on it lately, though.
i started taking a multivitamin, as well as fish oil and b-complex to help balance me up and make me feel less sick all the time and tired. i am also trying to start on melatonin to help me sleep.
i intend to get back on track with all this and keep a journal to track my progress.
i'll post updates here when i have the chance.

i got all flustered trying to figure out christmas presents for everyone. now that i have money, i don't know what to do. i've managed alright so far, though it is a bit overwhelming.

i still have some people to figure out something for. no wonder people wait till last minute for xmas presents.

to be fair, i don't celebrate christmas. but i do celebrate yule and the more festive parts of christmas (and the date) originate from the pagan traditions so i feel pretty comfortable.

i still buy "xmas" presents, but it's really just an excuse to buy things for people.


i am having a lot of fun. i am looking forward to seeing some family i haven't seen in a while, including someone i haven't seen in over a year.

i miss california. i really, really miss my friends there.
some of my friends out there are like no one else, no one can replace them for me and i am glad for what little communication i now have with them. the time i spent with them i cherish so much and it's sad i can't visit.

i wish happy winter fun and holidays and such for everyone.

all my love,
Heatherain