Thursday, June 23, 2011

incumbent flux

a prisoner of my own head.

i love my life. i love where things are headed because it holds a lot of promise. it has come down to just surviving, for now.

i have a temporary escape from the stresses i was facing before. getting away and being with family and having people to talk to, this is nice.

my problem is my own brain, chemically imbalanced as it is. things are starting to drag me down and i am falling back on my old habit of hiding it because i don't know what should be said and how i will be treated if i let these things show.

i'm afraid. it's not easy to be sitting here trying to push these feelings away. it's tough because there isn't some underlying issue for me to face, to work out. i'm stuck with this for the rest of my life and only one thing really helps and that's too far away for the moment.

i want to be alive again. really life. really feel. break free from this chaos.
at least i don't have too much longer to wait for salvation.

all my love,

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